BitterSweet Memories
Monday, May 30, 2011 9:54 PM
You're the subject to my heart
I'm never good in structuring and phrasing my words. And that leads me to death when I'm trying to describe how I feel for you. It's not the kind of death which you think it is. A kind that comes in two possibilities. Good and bad ones, of course. The bad one is that I can't seem to express and tell exactly how much I feel for you, how much you meant to me. I'm sure by saying ' you meant a lot to me ' is not going to help as far as I concern, yea? It's that something that cut off every bit of my feelings to you. On the other hand, it felt really sweet on the inside knowing how much exactly I feel. How much I feel, how much you meant, how much you tend to stick up into my head. An indescribable feeling. Pretty much that way. I guess I pretty much understand what you're worrying for me. You questioned me with all the if's and maybe what I felt from your care was real. I'm not any different from who I used to be but that doesn't mean that I can't handle what I couldn't have back then. You tend to understand me more than anyone could besides my family. And I shall say; you were right. were and not are anymore. I used to be a girl that needs a guy by my side for like 24 hours. I guess that describes everything about me. After what I've been through, you and I were actually wrong in defining the word love relationship. A relationship isn't just about the kisses, the hugs or anything like that. It's not a need or an emotion to it. It's not the extra accessories in lives. It is the feeling that touches your heart. It is the feelings that you have no choice but to give up, but you realize that you can give up on everything but not this - the feeling you're having inside. It felt as if it's irreplaceable. I know I keep questioning myself this : what do you have in you that I'm in love with? and I know it starts to bore people away. Apparently, you fill up my empty heart. You make my heart have premature ventricular contractions. More like, you make my heart skip a beat. You're the subject to my heart.
x
making my heart dance under the purple rain
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Sunday, May 29, 2011 1:30 AM
Trying so hard and I fail
how impressive is that
I've been up all night staring at the stars, seeing image of you. I'm wondering what's on your mind right now when I knew, I'm definitely not part of it. Maybe by not asking you, there's still bits of hope knowing maybe, well, I might be in it. Who knows, yea? I've been like this so many times before but this feels like the first time. A routine that keeps coming back by itself. I want to forget everything, forget about you, as if I've never agreed with anything with you in the very beginning. But.. I want to make you smile. I want to make you laugh. I want to hear your voice. I want to comfort you. I want to know how are you doing there. I want to at least picture you in my head even if I can't see you that often anymore, not even through our advance newest technology. I want you happy. And it starts hurting me. I felt as though I'm some busybody trying to fix everything up, trying to build you up, thinking I'm capable in doing so, when I know I'm a nobody at this stage. I feel left out, I felt ignored, I felt so much like a dumpster, have you noticed that? I feel so lonely at night [God knows why] and I always wish to ring you up but I'm always afraid to know your reaction. I'm scared of the way you'll treat me, the way you'll be going to respond to my words, the way when your coolness strike upon you. GOSH! :( But I can't do anything about it when feelings start stacking and invading me. It gets back to me every time and it fails my memory. && it's enough for today.
Goodnight peeps !
x
oi oi time
and if you ever wonder what is that; it means sleep in baby language :}
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Thursday, May 26, 2011 8:50 PM
Best Thing Underneath The Twinkling Stars
Lying down, underneath the stars
thinking about the way you looked into my eyes and told me how you feel.
I don't know if my heart and mind are singing the same tune,
but I need to know cause within me is a mix of fear, a little thrill.
Can't believe what I feel is ever real; feelings that's hard to conceal.
I never thought I'd fall for you, the best thing underneath the twinkling stars
My heart desires to be close to you.
And I tried, but I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you.
I keep falling deeper; everything about you touches my heart in a way
I have never felt like this before.
I would hold you in my arms if you were mine forevermore.
x
Twinkle twinkly star
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011 3:10 PM
I REMEMBERED...
I remembered myself being in love and being loved. There're billions of words that we keep hearing of; maybe they are real, maybe they are not. But, here's one word I'm giving it to you with my heart - I Love You. People judge it as three words. Well, it's true ! But to me, I wish to have it as one. Maybe I'm like you or maybe I'm not. Let's just say I'm afraid to be alone. I'm scared of darkness. I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to facing my own problem. I'm even a fool to be frighten of words. And that's how bad I can be. The quote offering us with ''Love is blind''. Guess it's true. So true till it blinded me. Sometimes I wonder what's so great about you? And whenever I think about it, I start having big issues to deal with. I can't really describe your fault or anything I dislike about you. I start to realize what a big loser I am. Not cause of that, is just that why am I bothering so much? Why does your problems bothering me? Why whenever you're unhappy, it gets me thinking of ways? Why every single bits of you keeps me so concern about you? Is he even special? Well, tears would start flowing out and I know he is. I know how fragile my heart can be. And I know what exactly it wants. I'm not giving up before I regret so. Apparently my sky is covered by dark clouds but I'm sure I'll be able to see rainbows soon. There's always a ray of light after a stormy weather. Maybe you don't see, but I trust my sight.
...OUR STORIES
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Sunday, May 22, 2011 9:36 PM
Cupid Painted Blind
Everyone seems to have heard of the word
so, you think you know it best; love
its a very hard word, its an indescribable feeling
its hard to feel, hard to hold, its something that plays in you rather than you playing with it
Basically, its twisted, you know?
So I'm sure you've been hearing tons of mushy love songs, poems and movies
those words used; are they for real or are they made to burn?
Love can be sweet or it can be as bad as being a joke to others.
Some says love sucks while some quotes 'love is like a drug'
Well, it depends I guess? Or maybe of the stages that all relationships have to go through?
Either way, or no matter how it is going to be; the question is : is it real?
And who would ever know? Maybe love is real or otherwise
Love, a kind of infectious disease that you can't sense it coming
Apparently, it infected mine; maybe I'm still in love
A feeling that you will just melt, everytime you see him
and just everytime you think of him.
A feeling that keeps you thinking again and again thou everybody thinks it ended
but you know, inside you, there's still sparks
That may light up someday; who knows?
Miracle might happen
Really; maybe he doesn't see
Maybe just cause I feel it, or maybe I'm just lying to myself
But really, I've seen friends breaking up and getting back together
So by luck, miracle really do exist !
And Yes! Cupid painted blind
And painted it real black this time.. but one day, I'm sure you'll see what you couldn't have seen back then, not cause I only believe in you; but a thing called miracle.
and it'll happen in me, in you, in us.
x
stupid cupid
no miracle is too small
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1:57 AM
GO TO HELL (SLEEP)
Hopefully after blogging this out, I would be able to have a good sleep. My heart is beating like god damn fast ! I can feel every single beat of it. I'm trying to sleep and there it goes dub-dub-dub. What a killing effect :( My heart misses you so badly. Trying so hard to not let a single tear to fall when my eyes get all watery. I couldn't help it and it falls anyways. All that I want to do is to grab my phone and click on the call button and ring you up. You're the first person that came across my mind. And I wonder if you do the same. But I can't afford to do so :( My mind is still running at a time like this when the world is sleeping but me. Well at least my region, that is. Calm down, and have a good sleep. BREATHE :/
** MIND, OH SHUT UP, will you? Stop working already. Get into coma or something, just sleep, for god sake :( :( my goodness, I need your voice to put me sleep :(
x
Goodnight and hopefully I sleep
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Friday, May 20, 2011 12:26 AM
It's all captured
Every captured moments are moments that will never fade. Sitting for hours without anything in hand, all I see is the moments I captured when you were mine. There's nothing I can do or say to change things up. Every time I close my eyes, all that I ever wished for is to have everything I am now, to be just a dream. And every time I does that, it disappoints me again and again. I'm such a fool to fall for it over and over again, repeated times. I just never seems to get things right ! At times, I wonder if time machine ever existed in life, if I could ever have that opportunity, I would reverse time back to my past. I want to stay perfectly sweet in my childhood life. A place that I can never feel a single bitterness in life. And knowing to have a great and wonderful guy to be by my side. A guy like you.
x
It's all captured, left in the memory full of hearts.
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011 9:54 PM
Fact #2 : True Love
Maybe loving someone is not about needing them in life. It's more about the feeling and not the satisfaction of oneself. Maybe having them as part of your storage compartment in your heart is enough when things doesn't turn out the way you want it to be. It's love when you know they are happy in life even if it doesn't count you in. As long as you know, you were once their favorites and unique person, part of them still have you existing right at the bottom of their heart. Memories don't fade thou people do change. That's why it's called true love when memories start haunting you even when you've promised yourself billions of time to not think anymore. And maybe it's something called ''never meant to be'' when it never comes back. Cause it can takes weeks, months, years for a person to realize how important you are, if they ever realize, it's just all about time. They can never get rid of the memories when it starts haunting them down. And if you're lucky enough, it might just take you a day for 'the one' to be back.
... and that's true love!
x
When it comes to this, you know it's love
A feeling that cannot define with words
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12:17 AM
Out Of No Where It Pops
I fell in love with you.
Your danger, your passion, your intensity.
Your laugh when you're happy.
Your laugh when you're being a smartass ♥
Your intelligence, your thoughtfulness, your depth.
Your curiosity, your stare, your patience.
Your dreams, your devotion, your fearlessness.
x
Nights n Buh Bye
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Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:05 PM
True Colors
有时候 原谅一个人 并不是真的想原谅 , 也并不是应为自己大方活爱的很深刻
而是不想失去 惟有假装原谅
自己其实满清楚的，只是没有勇气来面对
也可能是应为，输不起？
您是这样吗？想一想好了！:)
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Thursday, May 5, 2011 11:16 AM
come what MAY
I've been having this habit in me. good or bad, I can't really judge it.
I tend to enjoy the feeling sitting in the car, having a road ride.
It doesn't really matter if it's going to take only 10 minutes or less than that, as long as I get a ride
It's sort of weird when I come to think about it
So I find myself questioning myself so badly : '' why the hell are you enjoying it? ''
Is it just cause of my natural instinct or do I just enjoy seeing the scenery that pass-by with mind blowing thoughts?
It feels so much better after those rides. It's like all the heavy thoughts you've been having is blown away
Another thing that keeps revolving around my head and I would just like to share !
I see people everywhere saying they believe.
What's the definition of believe are you trying to emphasize on?
Do you actually believe or are you trying to hide something inside you?
It felt so fake cause everything seems to be awfully sad, guess I judge too much but if I were to think that way, there may be billions of people outside that might as well think alike.
Just cause you love, doesn't mean you really believe in the person.
I know how sucky it feels, cause I was once standing on that position. And I can't say I'm very mature now, maybe a little more awake but definitely naive-ness still strike me.
I know how sucky it feels, cause I was once standing on that position. And I can't say I'm very mature now, maybe a little more awake but definitely naive-ness still strike me.
Once again, do you actually believe or are you doing it to remind yourself of how much you should believe as a daily basis? Isn't that just too much?
It's like something that you've set TO DO and not a NATURALLY TO DO kind of thing.
some people said it's called despo but I think love shouldn't reach till the despo line.
Cause that's just too much as far as I concern !
x
i'm standing on the line between friends or lovers
cause I know it's love when all you think about is the person when their gone.
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Tuesday, May 3, 2011 4:48 PM
Slow down, but never Stop
never give up, never give in
x
don't take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyways
it's all about life ;)
three words, one saying just for you
[ I love You ]
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Monday, May 2, 2011 12:02 PM