BitterSweet Memories
Sunday, January 23, 2011 12:51 AM
I don't understand why each time I see a picture of you, my heart stops and you take my breath away. Each time. I'm actually not supposed to feel this way about you anymore. I'm not. I don't know if you even think about me every once in a while or feel at least something whenever you see my face. Part of me hopes you really do, which is bad. Extremely bad. I still have hope and I have been unaware of that or simply been trying hard to avoid that fact.
I never really wanted to think I was in love with him. I just thought that somehow I could have want what I couldn't have, but no, now I know without a shadow of a doubt. I'm in love with him and let's say if it's possible to love someone more everyday, I would have done that but a little more each day. I hate him so so much. Let's just say if you were on fire and in coincidence that I were to be having a bucket of water, I'll try my very best to drink them all without leaving even a sip. But then, it's not that kind of a hate.
I kept trying to wake myself out of this. No matter how hard I try, I still fall back to sleep. It's that kind of an addiction to me. Yes, I'm that addicted to you. Alright, maybe this is over dramatic but I can definitely say you're the first person I think about each time. I hate my thoughts, basically I hate myself at times. Real bad and such low self-esteem I'm having uh? It's just me! The fact that I find girls [me as an example] think too much while the guys don't care is killing me. Somehow, it's the fact that they mature much much more slower than we girls do but still I don't much like that for an excuse. I mean you just can't go about saying sorry and that's it, you're sorry. It pretty much do not exactly close the case. Your sorry is like a meaning to cry rivers and curl myself up into such small frame for hours. But on the other hand, ''at least you care'' just pull me in. You see, how I would back you up in almost everything even when I'm falling apart. You're just my weakness, that's all it takes.
For now, I've set up my own goal. And that I'm not going to give up without a fight. I know that at least if I don't give up, I would still have that bit of a hope. And that bit of being able to accept defeat if the time comes, if I try my very hardest, that is. I knew it never started one sided. So I'll wait.
When they say 'love', I find myself relating it to you
x
When life gives you soda, drink it.
because it all happens for a reason and so, don't leave it dangling
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