BitterSweet Memories
Saturday, January 8, 2011 7:30 PM
Dear You,
Okay, wait ! Before I even start anything, don't you think it's a little formal ? It feels sort of cranky, don't you think so ? Why not going about like Yo sup You or maybe hey You ? But I guess they don't really matches my style. ' Yo yo ' is just not my thing, I suppose. Here's a letter for the someone who hurt me deep recently. Not exactly to be said as 'recently' but more to half a year ago ? I guess it just simplified saying you're the last one who did a thing to the thing of mine - the heart !!
So like I say, it's been almost half a year. July isn't it? Thumbs up for you ! I guess I should somehow reward you a gift for being such a GREAT GUY that happens to make me hate the month, July. Yea that's basically how long it is, dear readers. I don't practically hate you like wanting you dead, having a car crash or anything like that. It is just more to wanting you to be buried by my whole lot of depression. If you know what I mean...? No joke, I'm serious ! Before you get all burn nuts over me, think what you've said to me. The effects of each words had caused me.
With no doubt, I can just say it as quick as my ex business teacher. My friends assign her as the bullet train cause of the way she speaks. I remember every word you said. I can even recall back the way how it is said, where were we at that time, the time of it and etc.. At first, I thought it would sort of a sorry here and sorry there kind of thing. Ah, not forgetting the hugs and kisses. So sweeeeet, walah! Urgg, it's like a 'dream on' thing, right now -.- Anyhow, your words started to sink in. You have got no idea how my heart just stopped right at that moment. It's NOT A BREAK, it's more to a BREAK-UP thing!
Yea yea, break up! Small matter it seems! A little. Maybe. NO ! It's definitely not when you're feeling as if you've got kicked straight down to the LOWER GROUND from what? the 19th or 20th floor? Twenty, oh my ~ What a reminder ?! It's like stuck on my mind on how it ever started. People just go awww-ing all the way and we'll be all shy, blushing all the way. How adorable !! Okay, I should stop this dreamy feeling before I feel all crappy now. Bullshit.
Days felt gloomy without you but you never understands that feeling. Everything just gets even duller ! Sky weren't full of blue clouds but it was thought as if black clouds were much preferred. One day is equivalent to a year. So much more. I never felt so torn apart before. Never, I repeat. The heart is like aching and it's breaking. Not that it's breaking literally, just that you can feel it. You see, how complicated it is ! You know your heart is not breaking cause if it does, you'll be dead by now. But on the other side, you know it's breaking slowly like real BROKEN and you can just feel the fragments with jagged sides poking you.
I've been so much more. It's for the sake of the memories and the footprints you've been leaving behind. Sadly, the place you left them in was places that's the most sensitive - the heart, the mind, the soul. And they three belongs to me. What a coincident uh ?! You are just so much more to me besides the look, the love, the care. The considerate bit that counts, and the heart that you've always opt to give in. You are more than what you see from your perspective in me. I may judge you at times, just for the fun of it. You're sweet. Cool. Hot. and just everything.
I'm not mad at you, maybe sometimes. I don't deny the fact. You're not hated, and I don't want you dead as well. That's plain dumb. Well, at times you just get into my nerves causing all hatred spilling out but I never willing to have you dead. Would cause me so much pain. I don't go in pain and emo states like how my friends do. They kill time with dota but I think I kill them in a better lousy way - blogging?
Friends. You just want us as friends. I guess it would have been easier if I'm not seeing you into another relationship just yet. Maybe the consideration of truth would be of no 50/50 but higher. That may happen. Truth, I say. The memories, the everything just can't leave me that easily. I'm a girl with expressive emotions and feelings. I bet you knew it long ago. We weren't friends for far too long already, 10 months.. not that long for some people. but I guess it's not the length that counts but the moments that value everything. I can't just simply erase that quickly. As you've said, I'm not a supercomputer. I'm a human, that's right !
I hate the feeling on how people ask me if I'm alright ? It feels shitty on the inside but you just can't say it out. No chance of expressing them out. But somehow from somewhere it just brings out unwelcomed feelings into me. Not good. Bad sign. Felt so much like a loser. But I shall keep myself cool with it.
Kay, I think I better end this letter right this instant. Would be a better idea. Waw, this is pretty long when I think to myself that it's not the end just yet. So much more. Much more to say. Much more to express. Well, it's enough for today (:
I love you with so much love love love. Shocking aye? Nah, not as it seems. Better be in a different fucking way :}
From Me ♥
x
Ever-lasting letter for you
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